SPM is over

    That one last look, 

 was a door to a brand new world

probably a brand new me

truth be told, i didn't allow myself to be in the state of happiness. everyone was so excited yelling and hugging after the last paper. Two years of adaptation, two years of bittersweet memories but i felt insecure. i felt insecure. i kept thinking about the results. they kept saying its over, finally and all but i, i just can't help myself to feel like what they feel. i have this thing going on in my mind

"do you deserve to be happy? what if happiness now kills excitement tomorrow? what if you laugh now and you cry tomorrow?"

i rang my aunt and she said " past is past. what's the point of being sad? you have done it anyways."
i'm not sad, i'm just, i feel uneasy. until now.

so, i tell myself  "enjoy every moments after this because if you keep on thinking  about those things, you tend to forget all the little things revolves around you because that's the real thing that makes you who you are.

i hope i can make you proud of me again ibu and ayah, pray is the only thing i can do now.