and I send Goodbyes to 2011

I guess it is worthwhile to wait until the end of the year. I know there's something going to happen but never did I know would it be good or bad things. This is the most unpredictable year. couldn't imagine how much i've been through to get to where i stand today. i live with my memories and someone made me realise today that i've live too much far in it. im hoping for things that indeed will not happen. I make myself believe that everything's all right where in the reality it isn't. I don't know what make myself and him and some other people end up disliking the ol pictures. I find myself , hiding my true feelings of what i feel. Gotta say that i am freaking pissed off when he said that he, doesn't like the ol pictures when it would be 6 or 7 of us hanging out and you know what, i find myself, feeling the same thing as he feels. Not anger , it's just the feeling that it is far more hurtful to look back to something that we hope to happen but again, it will not happen. Yet. That's at least what i feel. I don't know if he feels the same way as i feel. It is suck waiting. Trust me. I know. but I can't ask people to put themselves in my own shoes. 
     
         I always thought that it is all my fault that some of the plans didn't work out the way it should and i make myself believe in it. The poppy took my baby away from me. The poppy took my babies away from me. I can't bare to say that you are someone that i used to know. I just can't bare but someday, i guess i'm force to say that you are someone that i used to know or maybe, just maybe , you, force yourself to say so about me. It is kinda pathetic and why on earth should I go big about this stuff anyway. It is because , I can't tell anyone about it. It's just something that you and i know and i don't even care if you tell other people but this is my side of stories. and only god knows what's yours. 




      Truth be told , i didn't ask for this and i didn't know how deep the song means to you and how would you want it to be interpret to me but like you said , It's about time. This stuff keeps me hanging. I know i'm being bloody serious about this , because i don't really know what is your purposed or just something that you want me to hear or is it truly came from your heart. When it comes to friendship , i take it seriously. You know i do and i never take you for granted though man , you are so annoying like literally but that's what make me still hold on to this. i guess , it is time to move on  because it would be unfair to stay with something no longer there. 
This explains it all. and i would indeed not forget you. Thank you for everything. for the joy riding 4 years. 

This is just what i feel for today. i wouldn't know how it would be soon but one thing for sure that i'll let go of what happen today. I'll let go and start over but frankly, i don't even know how to start over. What position i am. It is just getting awkward and more awkward. This is the longest post ever to say about something that i will hold on forever.

31st December 2011 , Alya.